Christmas message ni Inday

Nasa macbook si Inday para magsulat sa blog ng message nya ngayong Pasko.

“Christmas is a momentous time of year (especially to us Filipinos) to reminisce those who are dear to us!
May your days be radiant, and your heart be pleasant!
May this effulgent day of our Savior’s birth resound with hope and peace on earth!”

Inday: Merry Christmas to you all!

Narinig nya si Junior kumakanta sa may sala at napa-smile na lang…

Junior: Indayyyy…. saw mommy kissing Santa Claus…

————

Inday wishes you all a very merry Christmas especially to Reyna Elena who greeted her first! Enjoy the holiday break!

- manager

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Letter of request

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to inform you that I would greatly be indebted if you could divert my monthly remunerations to my Paypal account instead of handing it to me in a piece of envelope.

This way, it would be easier for me to transfer money to my parents in the province who have their own Paypal accounts as well. Since I’m seldom allowed to take any day off, I usually do my shopping online so having money in my Paypal would be beneficial for us all.

If you don’t have a Paypal account or don’t know how to conceive one, I would be predisposed to walk you through it.

Awaiting your favorable response,

Inday

- nagpapaalam si Inday na ilagay na lang sa Paypal nya ang kanyang sahod imbes na iabot sa kanya.

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Ang Bahay

Mr. Montemayor: “Ako ang ama dapat ako ang masusunod kung ano dapat gawin dito sa bahay!”

Mrs. : “Hindi! Ako dapat dahil ako ang babae!”

Inday: (habang naghahanda ng tanghalian) “The way you live everyday. That’s what should decide your home. A functional welcoming kitchen for weeknight dinners and late-night talks. A comfortable living room that invites everyone to stretch out and tune in. And when all activities are done, a peaceful bedroom where you can shut the door and recharge.”

Mr.: (nag-nosebleed)

Mrs.: (nagbasag ng mga plato dahil sa inis kay Inday)

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Welcome to UK

Nung bago pa lang si Inday sa UK ay binati sya ng isang kapitbahay nang palabas sya sa kanyang tinitirahan.

Brit Guy: Eh up! You’re new around here aren’t ya?

Inday: That’s a very astute observation, I admire your perspicacity. Yes, I recently migrated from a distant sovereign state.

Brit Guy: Ugghh, your fancy words are giving me a headache.

Inday: Oh I’m sorry, please forgive my verbosity. Here have some acetylsalicylic acid.

Dumugo ilong ng Brit guy.

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Fluoride

Isang hapon habang nagwawalis si Inday sa tapat ng bahay nila ay nakita sya ni Dodong.

Dahan dahang lumalakad si Dodong patungo kay Inday habang nagsasalitang mag-isa…

Dodong: Alam niyo ba ang mortal na kalaban ng ngipin naten?

Dodong: Tooth Decay! (Napatigil si Inday sa pagwawalis at napatingin kay Dodong)

Dodong: At alam niyo ba.. ang pinaka-effective na panlaban sa tooth decay? (habang umiiwas sa mga imaginary na karatista)

Dodong: Fluoride!

Nakapamewang si Inday at kinausap si Dodong.

Inday: Dodong, how old are you?

Dodong: Ahh… beinte-syete na ako.

Inday: So I am sure that all of your teeth are fully developed. What’s the use of fluoride if the enamel on your teeth are already developed? Fluoride is only effective in children* since mineralization is still undergoing on their emerging teeth. With fluoride being mixed in the process, the enamel that will coat the teeth will be much harder and resistant to decay.

Inday: Besides, what’s the point of informing the public about fluoride if most readily available commercial toothpastes already contain the mineral? Why not just remind people to regularly brush their teeth?

Inday: Additionally once you already have tooth decay, no amount of fluoride can help you. What you need is to visit a dentist for a dental filling.

Natahimik na lang si Dodong at nag-iisip ng sasabihin.

Dodong: Alam niyo ba ang mortal na kaaway ng fluoride? … Inday!

*Note: Not applicable in all instances. Fluoride can be helpful for people with gum problems (especially receeding gums) since the roots will be exposed to plaque and fluoride can help strengthen the cementum covering the roots.

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Bahay Kubo

May assignment si Junior sa Civics at nagpatulong siya kay Inday.

Junior: Ate Inday, may alam ka bang mga Filipino folk songs?

Inday: Certainly Junior. Even though I am very well versed in the proper utilization of the English language I still manage to keep the fervor of nationalism in my cardiac muscle - my heart, in layman’s term.

Junior: (may tumulo nang kaunting dugo mula sa ilong)

Inday: And to prove it to you, I am going to sing my favorite Filipino folk song.

Junior: Wow. Sa wakas. Magta-Tagalog na si Ate.

At nagsimulang kumanta si Inday.

Inday: (sa tono ng Bahay Kubo) My nipa hut, although it’s small, The plants are diverse. Turnips and eggplant, Winged beans and peanuts, String beans, edible pots, lima beans, white melon, gourd, white pumpkin and squash, and still there are more… radish, mustard, Onions, tomatoes, garlic and ginger… All around are lush sesame plants.

Tuluyang lumabas ang dugo mula sa ilong ng inosenteng bata.

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Sa simbahan

Isang linggo nagpasyang magsimba ang pamilya Montemayor sa Mt. Carmel at ang misa ay binibigkas sa wikang Ingles. Isinama nila si Inday. Aktibo ang magasawang Montemayor sa simbahan kaya nakakasabay sila sa mga tugunan at mga awit na Ingles. Nang oras na para sa Our Father. Naghawak-hawak sila ng kamay at inawit ang “The Lord’s Prayer”.

Mga Montemayor: Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name….

Natigil sila nang bumanat pa ang ating bida.

Inday: In honor of the first group of the Holy Conclave of Cardinals who formulated the canons of the Roman Catholic Church and the sacred sacraments and of this eucharistic celebration hymn, this I sing…

Inday: (inawit na ala- Gregorian Chant) PATER noster, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen.

Dumugo ang ilong ng lahat ng taong nakarinig sa kanya.

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Ang Bahay

Mr. Montemayor: “Ako ang ama dapat ako ang masusunod kung ano dapat gawin dito sa bahay!”

Mrs. : “Hindi! Ako dapat dahil ako ang babae!”

Inday: (habang naghahanda ng tanghalian) “The way you live everyday. That’s what should decide your home. A functional welcoming kitchen for weeknight dinners and late-night talks. A comfortable living room that invites everyone to stretch out and tune in. And when all activities are done, a peaceful bedroom where you can shut the door and recharge.”

Mr.: (nag-nosebleed)

Mrs.: (nagbasag ng mga plato dahil sa inis kay Inday)

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Make-up

(day-off ni Inday)

Mrs.: Aba, ang ganda mo ngayon Inday ah! San ka ba pupunta?

Inday: I need to visit my friend, she’s very ill.

Mrs.: Ah ganun ba. Avon din ba yang make-up mo tulad nung sakin?

Inday: Sorry?

Mrs: Bingi…(pabulong) Sabi ko Avon din ba ang mga make-up mo?!?

Inday: No, no, no. I use The Lash Queen Gold Edition Mascaras, those are the real musts of Helena Rubinstein’s Tsarine collection.. I also use the David Loose eyeshadow, Stellars Gloss and Color Clone. And for my skin, I use Helena Rubinstein’s Gold Future, the first skincare treatment with real micro-active ‘Gold’ in its formula. It boosts my skin’s youth immunity and gives me incomparable radiance.

Inday: Can I go now Madam?

Mrs.: (namutla)

Inday: Madam are you okey?

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Pacquiao vs De La Hoya match

Sama-samang nanonood ng laban nila Pacquiao at De La Hoya ang pamilya Montemayor sa 50″ Plasma TV. Kasama ring nanonood si Inday.

Junior: Wow ate Inday buti magkaibigan kayo ni Pacman. Napakabitan tuloy tayo ng Pay-per-view ng libre!

Tuwang tuwa ang pamilya at nakakanood sila ng laban ng Live. Nagsigawan sila sa tuwing nakaka-connect si Pacman sa kanyang mga suntok. Nainis sila nung inipit ni De La Hoya ang braso ni Pacquiao upang makalibre ng suntok. At nagpalakpakan at naghiyawan nang sumuko na si De La Hoya sa simula ng 9th round.

Pagkatapos ng post-game announcements and interview…

Inday: Ok ok, fight’s over! I would like to rest now so kindly exit my room.

Mr. and Mrs.: Sige na nga, salamat ulit Inday at nakanood kami sa TV mo.

Junior: Thank you ate Inday!

Inday: You’re all welcome.

Kinagabihan, narinig ni sir na may kausap si Inday sa telepono.

Inday: … your interview. We should converse more so that you’d be more comfortable answering those questions in English… Yeah… Ok… You too… Congrats again! Take care! (sabay baba ng phone)

Sir: Si ano ba yun… si..?

Inday: Yeah it’s Manny calling from his hotel asking if I saw his fight.

BLAG! Hinimatay si sir.

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Bisikleta

Dahil sa tuluyang pagtaas ng gasolina, naisipan ni Ethan na ibenta na lang ang kanyang tricycle at kumuha na lang ng pedicab. Balak nyang magpatulong kay Inday na maghanap ng parts para mag-assemble ng bisikleta.

Ethan: Inday, pwede bang magpatulong sayo?

Inday: Sure, what’s up?

Ethan: Bebenta ko na kasi tricycle ko kasi mahina na kita lalo na ang taas na ng presyo ng gasolina. Assemble sana ako ng bisikleta para gawing pedicab. Marunong kang tumingin ng parts diba?

Inday: I suppose so.

Ethan: Bigyan mo naman ako ng listahan ng parts na bibilhin ko o. Gusto ko yung matibay na tatagal ng maraming taon, di mahirap i-maniobra, madaling i-pedal kahit patirik ang daan. Mabebenta ko naman ang tricycle ko sa magandang presyo eh.

Inday: I see… Alright, I’ll get back to you tomorrow. Let me do a little bit of research first.

Kinabukasan, binigay na ni Inday ang nagawang listahan ng bicycle parts kay Ethan.

* Ibis Mojo Carbon
* Fox Float RP23 rear shocks
* 2008 Marzocchi fork
* Shimano 9-speed chain
* Magura Marta SL disc brakes
* Shimano XT front (E-type) and rear (Shadow) Derailleur
* Shimano XT Rapid Fire shifters
* Shimano XT wheelset
* Time ATAC Carbon Titan Pedals
* GEAX Datura tires
* Selle Italia titanium saddle
* Chromag Fubar riser bar
* Chromag Cutblock stem

Ethan: Ayos, sige mag-canvas na ako ng mga ito. Thanks ha!

Inday: Sure Ethan, good luck!

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Paki-translate

Sa isang mall…

Foreigner: Miss, do you mind translating these writings to English please? (tinuturo ang mga nakasulat sa likod ng box ng bibilhin niyang item. Nakasulat ito sa Tagalog.)

Tindera: (mangiyak-ngiyak dahil di niya alam ang translation) “Ah…the…the..fffrr..ah..”

Narinig ito ni Inday na tumitingin lamang ng mga laptop at naisipang tulungan ang tindera.

Inday: Ahm..excuse me sir, are you from Italy?

Foreigner: Yes I am! How did you know?

Inday: (smile) Oh I can perceive it from your accent. What’s the problem by the way?

Foreigner: I wanna buy this item but I can’t understand the warranty statement written here at the back. It’s written in Filipino.

Inday: Well this is a Filipino Souvenir Shop but allow me to do the translation.

(kinuha ni Inday ang box at ito na ang mga sumunod na mga pangyayari…)

Inday: Garantisce che le e gli accessori sono prividi difetti materiali e di manodopera per on periodo di un anno dalla data di acquisto. Conservare la recivuta di pagamento originale. Qualsiasi richiesta di ripariazione in garanzia dovra essere accompagnata da una prova della data de acquisto.

(akala ng Italyano English ang gagamitin ni Inday, yun pala Italian! Diba sosyal!?)

Foreigner: (laglag ang panga sabay pahid ng dugo sa kanyang ilong)

(dumanak ng dugo sa loob ng mall dahil nag-nosebleed ang lahat ng nakarinig kay Inday)

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Iwas paputok plan ni Inday

Pumasok sa bahay si Inday dala ang kanyang Macbook at tilang natuwa sa sarili. Nakita sya ni Mr. Montemayor na nanood ng DVD sa sala.

Mr.: Inday ano bang ginawa mo sa labas? Ba’t dala mo pa ang laptop mo?

Inday: Oh sir you’re gonna love it? Remember how the media always reminds us to avoid using firecrackers to celebrate the New Year but instead use traditional instruments to make noise like clappers, or those tow-row-tots?

Mr.: Ok…?

Inday: Well I hosed your remaining stash of firecrackers and threw it away.

Mr.: Anoo?!? Ba’t…? (namumutla na si sir)

Inday: Hold on, wait till you hear what I did. I just bought and installed 6 Bose Free Space 51 outdoor speakers in strategic areas in our yard. This will give us maximum coverage along with 360-degree sound dispersion for each unit to help preserve the depth and richness of audio despite any noise coming from our neighbors.

Inday: I connected the 6 speakers to a Denon 7.1 Channel THX Home Theater Receiver which I will operate with my Macbook where I have high-quality audio clips of all types of firecrackers. Crying Cow, Whistle Bomb, Judas’ Belt 100 pcs to 5000 pcs, Pla-pla… you name it I got it! Just select the type of firecracker you want and hear the sound emanate from our yard. Of course, we can control the volume to drown out any noise coming from our neighbors.

Medyo na-gets na ni sir kung anong sinasabi ni Inday. Tumutulo na ang laway niya at nakalimutan na ang pagtapon ni Inday ng paputok.

Mr.: Wow Inday magandang ideya yan!! Pwede mo ba akong pagamit nyan mamaya?

Inday: Of course!

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Don’t text while driving

Inday: Using mobile phone while driving relegates safety on roads to the backseat, it is pointed out that the use of mobile phones while driving greatly increased the risk of having an accident. It also revealed that increased danger exists when phones are hand-held rather than hands-free.

(saway ni Inday sa school bus driver ni Junior na nagte-text habang nag-dadrive)

Junior: Go Ate Inday! (may kaunti nang dugo sa ilong dahil hindi naintindihan ang sabi ni Inday) (pati mga classmates ni Junior biniktima ni Inday, laglag lahat ang panga)

Driver: (huminto, binukasan ang bintana sabay tapon ng cellphone) Bwisit!

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Painful experiences

Isang hapon ay nagkwekwentuhan ang magbarkada sa may isawan sa kanto habang nag-memerienda.

Ederlyn: Eto, I have a question para sa inyo ga. Ano ang pinakamasakit na experience ang naranasan na ninyu?

Napaisip ang iba.

Dodong: Siguro sa akin ay yung pagpili sa isang babae pero parehong mahal mo ang dalawa. Para talagang nahahati ang puso ko. (sabay kagat sa isaw)

Ederlyn: Ay yung sa akin yung binuhos mo ang pagmamahal mo sa isang lalaki pero kulang pa rin at iniwan ka. (sabay lagok sa softdrink)

Ethan: Wala pa ko masyadong experience pagdating sa sa pagmamahal eh. Siguro masakit na sa’ken yung binati mo ng good morning pero di ka pinansin. Hehehe. (sabay kagat sa bananacue)

Inday: I guess mine would be not showing my affection to someone and by the time that I realize that he’s the one I love, he’s slowly pulling away. (sabay subo sa baon nyang blanched green and white asparagus with lemon thyme and Parmesan vinaigrette)

Pulubi: Sa akin naman yung bihis na bihis ka na pero di ka pala kasama sa lakad. Sakit nun. Hirap kaya ako maghanap ng maisusuot tapos di rin pala ako kasama. Tsk. (hihingi pa sa kinakain ni Inday)

Napatingin na lang sila Inday sa pulubing nakiki-merienda.

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Sakit ng Tyan

Matapos kainin ang mga inihanda ni Inday, sumakit ang mga tyan nila Mister and Misis.

Mister: Hayup ka Inday, ikaw ang may kasalanan nito. Kung anu-anong pinakain mo sa’men kaya sumakit tuloy ang tyan namin.

Inday: I beg your pardon, it’s not what I fed you with but the amount of food you consumed that causes misery in your insatiable stomachs.

Misis: Sakiittt. Ano ba itong nangyayari sa amin. Ba’t si Junior ok naman?

Inday: What do you think of me, some miserable human encyclopedia that can instantaneously educate feeble minds? My brief training in med school however, is telling me that perhaps what you are experiencing now is scientifically termed as DYSPEPSIA or indigestion. In Tagalog, that is called impatso, which is characterized by chronic or recurrent pain or discomfort centered in the upper abdomen. That discomfort in this context means mild pain, upper abdominal fullness and feeling full earlier than expected with eating accompanied by bloating, belching, or nausea.

Misis: Okey payn, what should we do???? (Uy napapa-english na din si Misis)

Inday: Hayyy. If you knew beforehand that you would be feasting like there’s no tomorrow, you should have taken an over the counter antidopaminergic drug before meal that can regulate the movement of the stomach which will prevent the occurrence of dyspepsia.

Inday: What I am trying to say is, there’s nothing wrong with the meal I served, you just over ate that’s all.(Hehe nasarapan naman pala kasi sa luto ni Inday si Mister at Misis e.)

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